The sincerest apology is a change in behavior.
Yes, as a traditional girl, you should be deferring every single decision to your man. But if you want to be happy with his decision, you need to limit his options so that you’re both happy.
How would you limit his options?
Let’s say you’re going to the salon to get new nails. They have a selection of 150 colors, but you want him to decide which color he wants you to have. You could send him a picture of all 150 colors and let him choose, but if he chooses a color you don’t particularly like, you’re forced to obey, but deep inside, you may resent his decision a little.
So, what do you do?
Of the 150 colors, choose 10-15 that you really, really like. Once you have them all collected so that they’ll fit into a single photograph, take a picture and send it to him.
No matter which one of the ten to fifteen colors he chooses, you’ll be content with his decision.
You can apply this same principle to anything – hair styles, hair colors, clothing, food, or drink. If you limit his options to those you like then leave the final decision to him, a wonderful thing happens:
He gets to decide for you, and no matter what he chooses, you’re happy with his decision.
A misogynist believes that, because you’re a female, you need to be broken and kept in your place to make him happy.
A sexist believes that, because you’re a female, you’re inherently broken, and that with his support, guidance, boundaries, appreciation, and routine, you can be built up to make you happy.
Something the man of your dreams will never ask you:
“Calculate the hypotenuse of a triangle where b=4.6 meters and a=2.1 meters.”
Something the man of your dreams will definitely ask you:
“So, do you know how to cook?”
Consider your priorities, girls.
My new book, A Man Explained It To Me!: Everyday Topics Mansplained So Well That Even A Woman Can Understand Them by Mr. V. I. Stepford is now available on Amazon. Below are links to various countries where you can purchase it:
Price is $2.99 USD for Kindle edition.
Amazon is currently reviewing my new book, A Man Explained It To Me!: Everyday Topics Mansplained So Well That Even A Woman Can Understand Them by Mr. V. I. Stepford, for publication.
I expect the book will be released by January 23, 2019, but I will certainly keep you all informed when the book goes live on Amazon.
It is only in Kindle format right now, but I should have the paperback version available within a week.
This will be the first in the Mansplaining Series by Mr. V. I. Stepford.
“You screwed it up. I can’t believe it. Look, you had one job. One job! And you screwed it up! This is going to take hours to fix. Now I have to get Hodgkins to do this and he hates this job. I’ll let it slide this time, but I’m warning you, man, you blow it like this again and you’re out the door!”
“You messed it up? Aww, honey, don’t worry about it. You’re just a girl and it was a tough job. Hodgkins wanted to do it anyway so I’ll let him do it. You just stand there and look pretty and answer phones, ok?”
A slap on the behind, a gentle tug on the hair, a chin grab with a kiss – all of these things done in public don’t embarrass her as much as they remind her that, above all other things she may be, she is your possession – now and always.
There’s an old phrase that is commonly used when speaking of punishments and rewards – “carrot and stick.” If you hit a lamb with a stick, it will stop its bad behavior. But if you dangle a carrot in front of the same lamb’s face, it will comply with your wishes.
Like lambs, some girls don’t respond well to the threat of punishment. Some girls – particularly fragile, delicate, sensitive girls – respond better and will become more obedient when good behavior is rewarded instead of bad behavior being punished.
Take, for example, my girl, Christina. She’s an extremely delicate and fragile girl with very high anxiety. I discovered quickly that threats of punishment for bad behavior don’t work for her – all the threats did was serve to heighten her anxiety which resulted in even poorer behavior. So, instead, I instituted a bedtime routine that involves plenty of rewards – things that make her feel safe and content – on the condition that her behavior that day is exemplary. The better the behavior, the greater the rewards.
The transformation was incredible. Christina works hard every day to ensure that her nighttime routine is going to be the most pleasant part of her day. Best of all, she has almost no anxiety during the day.
Some girls respond well to punishment, some girls respond better to rewards.
If the stick isn’t working, try the carrot.
Carrot and Stick, The Gentleman’s Times, copyright © 2019, Vintage In Stepford, All Rights Reserved.
Most men think that women are complex creatures. They complain about women over-analyzing, running amok, and being too demanding.
But in fact, the opposite is true. All girls really need in life is 3 things – and they form an acronym: Boundaries, Appreciation, and Routine – or BAR.
If she has Boundaries, which include punishment for violation, she knows there are limitations on how far she can go before you put her back in her place. Boundaries also include accountability for her actions. These Boundaries give her a sense of security unlike anything else you can give her.
Of course, she needs Appreciation – to be used like a slut, to be cuddled when she cries, to be told she’s a “good girl” when her behavior is at its best. Appreciation includes “I love you”s and maintenance spankings.
She requires Routine which includes consistency. If she’s busy with her Routine, she doesn’t have time to over-think. If she doesn’t have time to over-think, she can’t over-analyze every little situation in her life, and that’s liberating for her.
Make no mistake, she will consistently test to make sure these 3 things are still in place. It’s not a challenge to your authority, your masculinity, or your dominance; it’s actually a compliment. She treats these little tests like a “ping” signal. She pings because maybe, just maybe, she’s feeling a little insecure right at that moment and she needs to know the BAR is still firmly in place and because you’re the only one who can make her feel secure again. Don’t cower from the test, delight in it. She’s pinging you because she believes in you and knows with all her heart that you’ll return the ping signal with a loving, “it’s okay, babygirl … everything’s under control.”
All your girl has ever wanted is freedom in chains. Give her that freedom.
Set the BAR for her.
Believe It Or Not, Women Are Simple Creatures – The BAR System, The Gentleman’s Times, Copyright 2018-2019 Vintage In Stepford. All Rights Reserved.