She had a concern today.
She started with, “I’m upset about something.”
I asked what was upsetting her, and instead of playing the “you should already know” game or the “you have to dig it out of me” game, she told me exactly what I had done that upset her and, just as importantly, why it upset her.
At no point did she lose her cool. She calmly explained how she felt and why.
She didn’t cry, she didn’t throw a tantrum, she didn’t whine – she didn’t play any of the mind games you might expect. She remained feminine and submissive, but just by using her words, she was crystal clear on how she felt and why. No hint of aggression, no sense of victimhood.
I considered what she said. I decided she was right. I totally understood why she felt upset. What I had decided to do wasn’t disrespectful, but it wasn’t entirely respectful of our bond, either. So, I changed direction. It wasn’t that I was weak on the topic. No, no. She made me understand I hadn’t considered her feelings when I made a decision. My fault, I’m a man. We tend to be pretty clueless when it comes to empathy. Give us some concrete, we’ll build you an entire freaking civilization. But empathy? Pfft … we suck at that.
But see, I don’t have to try to be empathetic with her. I don’t have to be something I’m not. If I lack empathy, it’s because that’s how I am, and she’ll tell me what she’s feeling. If I choose to ignore her, that’s up to me. But in this case, I chose not to. And it’s not like it was something major. It was quite minor (to me anyway), but it affected her quite deeply.
But her intention wasn’t to make me feel bad. I didn’t feel any guilt. I just told her, “okay, well, I won’t do that then.” She thanked me and we dropped the topic. There was no “aftermath” and it certainly wasn’t any kind of argument. It was her expressing her feelings and me considering them and changing directions.
And when you communicate like that in a relationship, the relationship becomes easy. And I don’t mean simple. Anyone can have a simple relationship – he leads, she follows. That’s pretty simple.
No, I mean she makes it easy.
It’s easy to have a great relationship with her. It’s almost like it’s no effort at all. Everything is just so natural. So … organic.
She’s just that good.