The “Face Slap Reset”

Have you ever noticed how – when your man slaps your face – every thought and emotion you had at the time suddenly becomes reset?

A face slap grounds you.  It helps you to realize how emotional, hormonal, and irrational you were being just a second or two before. It helps you understand that you were not thinking logically.

Best of all, it reminds you that he’s in control of everything – your world, your emotions, and your body.

When he slaps your face – and he will, eventually, if you allow yourself to become to over-emotional – remember to thank him for bringing you back down to earth.

A firm slap to your cheek is one of the greatest gifts he can give you when your world seems to be spiraling out of control.

-VIS

My new ebook is now available!

My new book, A Man Explained It To Me!: Everyday Topics Mansplained So Well That Even A Woman Can Understand Them by Mr. V. I. Stepford is now available on Amazon.  Below are links to various countries where you can purchase it:

USA

UK

Germany

France

Spain

Italy

The Netherlands

Japan

Brazil

Canada

Mexico

Australia

India

Price is $2.99 USD for Kindle edition.

-VIS

New Book To Be Released Soon!

Amazon is currently reviewing my new book,  A Man Explained It To Me!: Everyday Topics Mansplained So Well That Even A Woman Can Understand Them by Mr. V. I. Stepford, for publication.

I expect the book will be released by January 23, 2019, but I will certainly keep you all informed when the book goes live on Amazon.

It is only in Kindle format right now, but I should have the paperback version available within a week.

This will be the first in the Mansplaining Series by Mr. V. I. Stepford.

-VIS

The Gentleman’s Times – Carrot and Stick

Punishments aren’t working? Try rewards.

There’s an old phrase that is commonly used when speaking of punishments and rewards – “carrot and stick.”  If you hit a lamb with a stick, it will stop its bad behavior.  But if you dangle a carrot in front of the same lamb’s face, it will comply with your wishes.

Like lambs, some girls don’t respond well to the threat of punishment.  Some girls – particularly fragile, delicate, sensitive girls – respond better and will become more obedient when good behavior is rewarded instead of bad behavior being punished.

Take, for example, my girl, Christina.  She’s an extremely delicate and fragile girl with very high anxiety.  I discovered quickly that threats of punishment for bad behavior don’t work for her – all the threats did was serve to heighten her anxiety which resulted in even poorer behavior.  So, instead, I instituted a bedtime routine that involves plenty of rewards – things that make her feel safe and content – on the condition that her behavior that day is exemplary.  The better the behavior, the greater the rewards.

The transformation was incredible.  Christina works hard every day to ensure that her nighttime routine is going to be the most pleasant part of her day.  Best of all, she has almost no anxiety during the day.

Some girls respond well to punishment, some girls respond better to rewards.

If the stick isn’t working, try the carrot.


Carrot and Stick, The Gentleman’s Times, copyright © 2019, Vintage In Stepford, All Rights Reserved.

The Gentleman’s Times – Helping Her With Her Anxiety

As a gentleman, helping her cope with anxiety is your obligation.

You may think her anxiety is her problem, but anxiety can make people do some pretty bizarre things.  One second, your traditional girl can be mild-mannered and calm, the next she may be verbally attacking your best friend for interrupting you.

Behavior during a panic attack can be quite erratic and when it happens, it not only affects you, but your relationship with her and with others. It’s important that you understand the best coping strategies so the two of you can effectively tackle her anxiety together.

When she begins to withdraw into herself and is suddenly quieter than usual, that’s usually a sign that her anxiety is rising.  This is not always the case, however.  Some girls become louder, meaner, more obnoxious when their anxiety level rises. If her behaviour seems to radically change in a short period of time, she’s probably dealing with an anxiety or panic attack.

There are two very important things that you can do to help her when this happens.

First, always carry a very small bottle (15 ml / ½ ounce) of lavender essential oil.  It cannot be lavender oil, or lavender scented oil, but must be lavender essential oil.  If you have it with you at all times and you notice a change in her behaviour, force her to stop whatever she’s doing.  Reach for your bottle of lavender essential oil, pull off the cap, and force her to smell it.  She must take deep inhales through the nose.  Lavender essential oil is not intended for internal use, so don’t ask her to swallow any, just have her inhale the scent through the nose deeply 3 or 4 times.  That should soothe her anxiety over the following three or four minutes.

However, if the anxiety or panic attack is severe, it’s important that you take her to an isolated place, away from everyone else and make her stand facing a blank wall. Command her to breathe deeply while you gently assure her, “I’m here, I’m here.”  Do not touch her.  Often, people suffering from an attack do not wish to be touched.  Just let her stare and breathe deeply, and reassure her that you’re there for her.

At any given time, I have a refillable inhaler that I carry with me.  Sure, I could ask Christina to carry it, but she doesn’t always have her purse on her, she doesn’t always have pockets on her clothes, and, let’s be honest, trying to get her to find her inhaler in her purse during a panic attack would be impossible.  Girls may have their entire lives perfectly organized, but their purse will always be a disaster, so I carry the inhaler in my pocket and make sure it’s always filled.

Wherever Christina and I go together, I always scan the area for the closest handicapped bathroom in case she has a meltdown.

Why a handicapped bathroom, you ask?

Handicapped bathrooms are well lit, they’re usually empty, and they have plenty of floor space for the two of us.  Once we’re inside, I force her nose into a corner and order her to breathe deeply while I stand back and watch.  If I don’t feel she’s breathing deeply enough, I’ll remind her in a calm voice, “breathe deeply.”  When she focuses on her breathing, she can’t focus on the anxiety.  Throughout the breathing exercise, I remind her softly, “I’m here … I’m right here.

Within 4 or 5 minutes, the episode is over, and we can get back to what we were doing.

If your girl suffers from anxiety, it’s vital that you not only understand what anxiety is and what triggers it, but also how to relieve her symptoms.

When you took her, you agreed to better or worse.

Anxiety is about the worst she’ll get.

But when she shows you her gratitude for helping her and being understanding, she’s at her best.


Helping Her With Her Anxiety, The Gentleman’s Times, (Dec. 2018).  Copyright © Vintage In Stepford™, December 2018.  All Rights Reserved.

Her Anxiety is Your Problem.

Let’s be honest, girls have anxiety.  Studies have shown that women have a higher likelihood of having anxiety and have it more severely than men.  And if your girl has panic attacks, they can devastate her.

It’s your responsibility to help her avoid them.  So let me give you an example of how I dealt with my girl’s imminent panic attack last night.

My girl dances for a major ballet company where I live, and it’s Nutcracker season.  She had a major part in front of a huge audience last night, and she mentioned that she felt like she wanted to run to the nearest exit.

So I took her by the arm and literally dragged her to the nearest private bathroom.

When we got inside, I said, “put your nose in that corner and breathe deeply until I tell you otherwise.

She was confused.  She didn’t understand why she was getting a time-out.  But, being the submissive little thing she is, she complied with a sheepish, “yes, Sir.”

She stood in the corner for two minutes.  Every time I didn’t see her breathing deeply, I just commanded, “breathe deeply, I said.”  As the seconds passed, I kept telling her, “I’m still here.

At the end of four or five minutes, I commanded, “face me.”  She spun around.

Her face was colorful again.  Her panic attack had been averted.

It’s gone?” I asked.

She nodded with a smile.

Just because she has an affliction, doesn’t mean she has to handle it herself.  On the contrary.  When she has any kind of issue, particularly anxiety, it’s the man’s job to bring her down to earth.

That’s your job.  That’s why you’re the man and why she’s the girl.

-VIS