Category: Alcoholism

81 Days – No Alcohol

84 Days – No Cannabis

3,795 Days – No Opium

4,039 Days – No Cigarettes

About 92 minutes – No Tea (if you think I’m giving that up, you’re insane)

Sorry I haven’t posted about this.  I know this sounds crazy, but I’ve just been so busy lately (first with a lung infection, then catching up on work), that I just plum forgot I’m a recovering alcoholic.

And that about sums up this recovery update.  I forgot I’m a recovering alcoholic.  I forgot I’m addicted to alcohol.

Still haven’t touched the stuff, though.  A friend called today to ask if I had any Scotch for a party, so I said I did.  He came by and I gave him my last bottle of Lagavulin 16.

And when I was handing it to him, I didn’t have any regrets, or feel anything other than wanting him to leave as quickly as possible so that I could get back to work.

Meanwhile, since recovering from my second lung infection in 2 months, my creativity has skyrocketed.  New songs on the go, new books being drafted, all sorts of things in the works.

Yes, I’m considering a podcast.  In the online poll, there were 43 votes – 86% said they wanted a podcast.  With that in mind, I’ll be speaking to a producer later this week to find out how much this will cost me.

-VIS

I survived New Year’s. I had the worst craving for alcohol in a long time, but Christina helped me through it by suggesting I drink tea instead.  She coaxed me through lovingly but firmly, telling me, “you’re the strongest man I’ve ever known.  You’re going to get through this.  You’ve got this.”

And I did.  I didn’t touch a drop.

I’ve been on the hunt lately for a brown Fedora because I’m starting to wear brown more often as opposed to black.  So I’ve been searching for the perfect brown Fedora and a couple of days ago, I was looking for something and came across a Stetson hat box in a closet.  I opened it up and found a 5x Beaver Felt brown Fedora. I looked at the receipt and it cost me $600, yet I don’t remember buying it.  Drunk me (RIP) must have bought it and stored it in the closet during a bender. And it’s an absolutely beautiful hat, too, so drunk me obviously had good taste.

So this morning, I had to go out to the post office and wore my brand new Stetson Fedora.  It fits perfectly and two people complimented me on it.

On December 31, I received a ton of money in royalties for my poetry book since sales exploded in Japan.  I earned enough in royalties to pay my bills for the entire month.  I don’t know what has caused the spike in Japanese sales as I didn’t do any marketing in Japan, but word of mouth must have made sales skyrocket.

My arthritis has been bad lately, or perhaps I’m just noticing it more because I’m not using alcohol to dull the pain.  I purchased and began wearing a non-magnetic composite metal bracelet this morning, so we’ll see what effect that has.

Other than that, I continue to feel better every day.  I don’t see the massive daily increases in cognitive ability like I did at first, but I’m definitely thinking more clearly and I’m more creative than ever before.

I’m sure I’ll face more cravings like I did on New Year’s Eve.  But I know now that I can overcome the worst cravings out of sheer will power.

I hope 2019 has already been as good to you as it has to me.  Thanks to Christina and Bethany for getting 2019 off to an amazing start.

-VIS

I passed the big test. I spent Christmas at my parents’ place.  Alcohol was abundant, but I didn’t touch the stuff.  I was even offered a glass of Sherry (my greatest weakness) and said, “no thank you, I don’t drink.”

It’s been 54 days without a single drink of alcohol.  Yesterday, on the way back from my parents’ house, I had to pass by the liquor store – the very liquor store I’ve been avoiding for 50 days.  Nothing.  No urge to go in and buy something.  Nothing.

Life seems to be getting back to normal – whatever “normal” is when you’re sober for the first time in 30+ years.

This is getting easier, but I don’t want to let my guard down and slip, so I’m ever-conscious of my weakness for alcohol and I’m finding ways to occupy my time beside drinking.

If I can make it through Christmas, though, I can make it through anything.

-VIS

Since I started my blog on bdsmlr.com, I’ve received nearly a dozen messages from followers who have told me they support me in my alcoholism recovery and that if I ever need to talk, they’re there for me.

This is a virtual world.  And truth is, you don’t know me and I don’t know you.  Yet you’re there for me while I go through this.

I’m not much of a talker about my feelings.  Never have been.  It comes out in my music and in my writing.  But the fact that many of you would offer an ear to me astounds me.

You people are awesome.  Every single one of you has a heart of solid freakin’ gold.

Thank you all SO much for your support.  I’m genuinely grateful and humbled by the outpouring of love.

You’re awesome.  Never forget that.

-VIS

Just a quick update on my recovery.

It’s been 44 days.  I haven’t touched alcohol in that time.  Someone offered me “the most delicious homemade beer in the world – better than Guinness!” and I turned it down saying, “I don’t drink anymore.”

I’ve completed one of the 3 songs I was working on, I’ve managed to construct my Bdsmlr page, I’ve been there every moment of the day for my girl, I’ve lost 4 more pounds, my workout exploded and I tripled the distance I was walking and the number of reps I do with weights, my creativity continues to heighten, my testosterone is up, my anxiety is almost non-existent, my sense of smell has dramatically increased, my eyesight is getting better, my cognitive abilities have heightened … I could go on and on about how well my body is responding to a lack of alcohol.

And here’s the best part: I’m no longer craving alcohol.  In fact, some days, the thought of alcohol doesn’t even cross my mind – like yesterday.  I don’t recall thinking about it at any point in the day.

I’m learning to process emotions I’ve never felt before.  I’ve never felt them because I drowned them in alcohol.  But I’m learning to handle them.

Temper?  What temper?  My bad temper has completely disappeared.  After my brain got over the initial shock of being starved of alcohol, I don’t anger as quickly or react as badly as I used to.

And the money.  My lord, the money.  I’m definitely on target to buy the thousand dollar watch I want in February.  If I include the money I would have spent on booze during the holidays, I’ll have money left over after I buy the watch to buy a $400 Roman coin I’ve had my eye on for some time.  And that’s just booze money.  Nothing extra out of my income.

So what does this all mean?  Giving up booze was the best thing I’ve ever done for myself.  It’s been tough – Lord, it’s been tough.

But the rewards are worth the price.

-VIS

Tripled my workout today.  It was excruciating.  I literally punished my body.  Worked through the pain.  Took a cool, then warm shower, and drank some tea.

Now I’m high on endorphins (my God I’ve missed this feeling).  I feel 10 feet tall and bulletproof.

Alcohol, you fool, did you really think you could keep me imprisoned forever?

Free at last.

-VIS