I had my first board of directors meeting today.
First on the agenda was the director of marketing who told us she was taking the website in a new direction; she was going to have at least 50% plus sized models featured.
I said, “hold it, no you’re not. The old saying is go woke, go broke. We’re not going to cave to the woke mob and lose money. No way.”
That’s when she started telling us about “patriarchal systems of oppression” and how “the future is now and we must seize it.”
I told her, “Gillette went woke and lost 8 billion dollars the same year. Disney has gone woke and their stock price has tanked. I just gave up my entire salary to make this company more profitable and you want to ruin it? Not on my watch, lady!”
Amelie got involved at that point and said, “what evidence do we have that doing this will increase sales?”
The woman said, “there’s no evidence, but all of our competitors are doing it and we don’t want to be left behind.”
I said, “all of our competitors are losing market share to us.”
She said, “either we embrace the future or I resign.”
I said, “I’ll expect your resignation on my desk before the end of the day.”
She gasped and called for Amelie, but she just said, “he’s my right hand man. If he wants your resignation, you’ll give it to him or be fired.”
She walked out of the Zoom meeting and faxed her resignation to me 20 minutes later.
Amelie came into my office and asked me if I was alright, I said I was fine. She said, “take today off, Daddy. That was stressful.” I said, “I’m a professional. I’ll take my frustrations out on the weights at lunch time.”
I worked out hard at lunch and had a hot shower to relax. Jennifer came in and told me Samantha had made Cottage Pie for lunch which was perfect because Cottage Pie is one of my main comfort foods. So I ate that and now I’m relaxed again.
I can’t believe the nerve of some people. Feminists especially.