“We live in an age of emotional incontinence, when they who emote the most are believed to feel the most.”
– Theodore Dalrymple
– Theodore Dalrymple
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ambivalent sexism [am-biv-uh-luh nt sek-siz-uh m] – noun – a theory that sexism toward women is multidimensional, one form (hostile sexism) reflecting negative views of women who challenge traditional gender roles, and the other form (benevolent sexism) reflecting positive views of women who conform to these roles.
Dictionary.com. (2019). Benevolent Sexism.
“Benevolent sexism is a form of paternalistic prejudice (treating a lower status group as a father might treat a child) directed toward women. Prejudice is often thought of as a dislike or antipathy toward a group. Benevolent sexism, however, is an affectionate but patronizing attitude that treats women as needing men’s help, protection, and provision (i.e., as being more like children than adults). Benevolently sexist attitudes suggest that women are purer and nicer than men, but also mentally weaker and less capable. Behaviors that illustrate benevolent sexism include overhelping women (implying they cannot do something themselves), using diminutive names (e.g., “sweetie”) toward female strangers, or “talking down” to women (e.g., implying they cannot understand something technical).”
-from “Benevolent Sexism Definition” on Psychology.iresearch.com
Most men think that women are complex creatures. They complain about women over-analyzing, running amok, and being too demanding.
But in fact, the opposite is true. All girls really need in life is 3 things – and they form an acronym: Boundaries, Appreciation, and Routine – or BAR.
If she has Boundaries, which include punishment for violation, she knows there are limitations on how far she can go before you put her back in her place. Boundaries also include accountability for her actions. These Boundaries give her a sense of security unlike anything else you can give her.
Of course, she needs Appreciation – to be used like a slut, to be cuddled when she cries, to be told she’s a “good girl” when her behavior is at its best. Appreciation includes “I love you”s and maintenance spankings.
She requires Routine which includes consistency. If she’s busy with her Routine, she doesn’t have time to over-think. If she doesn’t have time to over-think, she can’t over-analyze every little situation in her life, and that’s liberating for her.
Make no mistake, she will consistently test to make sure these 3 things are still in place. It’s not a challenge to your authority, your masculinity, or your dominance; it’s actually a compliment. She treats these little tests like a “ping” signal. She pings because maybe, just maybe, she’s feeling a little insecure right at that moment and she needs to know the BAR is still firmly in place and because you’re the only one who can make her feel secure again. Don’t cower from the test, delight in it. She’s pinging you because she believes in you and knows with all her heart that you’ll return the ping signal with a loving, “it’s okay, babygirl … everything’s under control.”
All your girl has ever wanted is freedom in chains. Give her that freedom.
Set the BAR for her.