The Gentleman’s Times – Carrot and Stick

Punishments aren’t working? Try rewards.

There’s an old phrase that is commonly used when speaking of punishments and rewards – “carrot and stick.”  If you hit a lamb with a stick, it will stop its bad behavior.  But if you dangle a carrot in front of the same lamb’s face, it will comply with your wishes.

Like lambs, some girls don’t respond well to the threat of punishment.  Some girls – particularly fragile, delicate, sensitive girls – respond better and will become more obedient when good behavior is rewarded instead of bad behavior being punished.

Take, for example, my girl, Christina.  She’s an extremely delicate and fragile girl with very high anxiety.  I discovered quickly that threats of punishment for bad behavior don’t work for her – all the threats did was serve to heighten her anxiety which resulted in even poorer behavior.  So, instead, I instituted a bedtime routine that involves plenty of rewards – things that make her feel safe and content – on the condition that her behavior that day is exemplary.  The better the behavior, the greater the rewards.

The transformation was incredible.  Christina works hard every day to ensure that her nighttime routine is going to be the most pleasant part of her day.  Best of all, she has almost no anxiety during the day.

Some girls respond well to punishment, some girls respond better to rewards.

If the stick isn’t working, try the carrot.


Carrot and Stick, The Gentleman’s Times, copyright © 2019, Vintage In Stepford, All Rights Reserved.

The Gentleman’s Times – Believe It Or Not, Women Are Simple Creatures

Think she’s complicated?  Think again.

Most men think that women are complex creatures.  They complain about women over-analyzing, running amok, and being too demanding.

But in fact, the opposite is true.  All girls really need in life is 3 things – and they form an acronym: Boundaries, Appreciation, and Routine – or BAR.

If she has Boundaries, which include punishment for violation, she knows there are limitations on how far she can go before you put her back in her place. Boundaries also include accountability for her actions.  These Boundaries give her a sense of security unlike anything else you can give her.

Of course, she needs Appreciation – to be used like a slut, to be cuddled when she cries, to be told she’s a “good girl” when her behavior is at its best. Appreciation includes “I love you”s and maintenance spankings.

She requires Routine which includes consistency.  If she’s busy with her Routine, she doesn’t have time to over-think.  If she doesn’t have time to over-think, she can’t over-analyze every little situation in her life, and that’s liberating for her.

Make no mistake, she will consistently test to make sure these 3 things are still in place.  It’s not a challenge to your authority, your masculinity, or your dominance; it’s actually a compliment.  She treats these little tests like a “ping” signal.  She pings because maybe, just maybe, she’s feeling a little insecure right at that moment and she needs to know the BAR is still firmly in place and because you’re the only one who can make her feel secure again.  Don’t cower from the test, delight in it.  She’s pinging you because she believes in you and knows with all her heart that you’ll return the ping signal with a loving, “it’s okay, babygirl … everything’s under control.”

All your girl has ever wanted is freedom in chains.  Give her that freedom.

Set the BAR for her.


Believe It Or Not, Women Are Simple Creatures – The BAR System, The Gentleman’s Times, Copyright 2018-2019 Vintage In Stepford.  All Rights Reserved.

All Men Are Real Men

I see a lot of people saying, “real men don’t do this” and “real men don’t do that.

You know what?  Screw you.  You don’t get to define what real men are and are not.  Stop throwing your pathetic insults just because someone doesn’t behave according to your ridiculous standards.

Sometimes men are effeminate.  Sometimes men are extremely masculine.  Sometimes men are nerds.  Sometimes they’re over-achieving Alphas.

But guess what?  They’re all real men, and they don’t need you to define the tenets of masculinity for them.  As long as they’re comfortable with themselves, you can shove your opinions on “real men” where the sun don’t shine.

“Real men” is as much of a myth as “toxic masculinity.”  It’s a complete fabrication by people who have an impossible ideal of how people should behave.  Talk about projecting image issues – people who use the terms “real men” or “toxic masculinity” are usually the same ones who criticize others for creating problems regarding self-image and self-worth.

Men behave the way they want to behave.  Men are their own people.  Men don’t need or want your definitions of what makes them real.

I can’t stress this enough: all men are real men.

And if you can’t accept that, maybe it’s you who’s not being real.

-VIS

Talk With Your Body

Let’s face it, traditional girls – you’re not too bright.  So why try to impress us with your brains when all we really care about is your body?

When a man is speaking to you, remember:

– Don’t speak very much or at all

– Play with your hair

– Touch him when you giggle

– If you must speak, use delicate hand gestures

– Bite your lip

– Laugh and smile!

Using your body language will tell a man that you know his words are far more important than yours.

After all, you want him to look at your body, so why not let it speak for you?

-VIS

A Time Of Deceit

In a time of universal deceit – telling the truth is a revolutionary act.

– George Orwell


As Jesus was sitting on the Mount of Olives, the disciples came to him privately, saying, “tell us, when will all these things occur, and what will be the sign of your coming and of the end of the age?

Jesus answered, saying, “see that no man deceives you.

– Matthew 24 : 3-4


#whyIwrite

-VIS

What Is Benevolent Sexism?

Benevolent sexism is a form of paternalistic prejudice (treating a lower status group as a father might treat a child) directed toward women. Prejudice is often thought of as a dislike or antipathy toward a group. Benevolent sexism, however, is an affectionate but patronizing attitude that treats women as needing men’s help, protection, and provision (i.e., as being more like children than adults). Benevolently sexist attitudes suggest that women are purer and nicer than men, but also mentally weaker and less capable. Behaviors that illustrate benevolent sexism include overhelping women (implying they cannot do something themselves), using diminutive names (e.g., “sweetie”) toward female strangers, or “talking down” to women (e.g., implying they cannot understand something technical).

-from “Benevolent Sexism Definition” on Psychology.iresearch.com