Heya, it’s that there Swedish transgirl you chatted with some. I got a new tumblr, and it’s quite a shame that we can’t chat anymore

I’ll be honest, I don’t recall chatting with a t-girl from Sweden.  I remember having chats with @ditzyrose and @dociledebbi , but I know they’re not from Sweden.

So if I don’t recall you, I apologize for my bad memory.

I don’t open chat channels with many people at all anymore.  I simply don’t have the time to have 40 or 50 chat channels open like I used to.

Thanks for writing.

-VIS

Hello Mr VIS, I have a problem and wanted to ask for your advice. I really love to cook and clean for my boyfriend. It just is the best feeling to care for him. But lately he is criticizing my cooking abilities. He comes into the kitchen and tells me that everything I do would be wrong, that my cooking is bad ect. … I am not the most experienced cook, since I‘m only 21 and I do make mistakes but I am very hurt by his comments. I try my best but his comments ruin my joy of caring for him :(

90% of problems in a relationship are caused my miscommunication of a lack of communication.  I’m not one to immediately declare someone abusive, so how about you try talking to him?  Perhaps he doesn’t realize how critical he’s being.  Perhaps he’s inexperienced and wants to try degradation, but has no idea how to go about it.  Either way, it’s best to say something to him.

Try something like this: “I really love to cook and clean for you, but when you tell me my cooking is bad, it shakes my confidence and makes me not want to cook for you anymore.  Could you please stop it and find a more constructive way of approaching it?”

From here, he can go one of two ways.  He can apologize and say he didn’t realize how negative he was being and he’ll change.  Or he can, somehow, refuse to stop.  Phrases like, “I’m only being honest” are a guarded way of saying, “I’m not going to stop.”

If he apologizes and together you figure out how to handle it, great – relationship saved.  If he skirts around it with a weak excuse, I would suggest you get out of the relationship.  You’re not there to have your confidence shaken and your abilities criticized.

Remember that everything in your relationship has to be consensual.  If you find his criticisms sexy somehow, you should tell him, so he can continue to do them.  If you are hurt by his criticisms, you should discuss it with him and – if he refuses to sop immediately – you need to get out.

Traditional Gender Role relationships are about building up the happiness and joy of both partners.  They are never, ever about harming you in any way and at this point, you’re being harmed.

-VIS

The Chase: Two Perspectives

vintageinstepford:

From the Dominant:

I want to
consume you – to burn you in the fire of my searing eyes until there is nothing
left of you but what once was,

I want to
control you – to direct every step, every breath, every thought until there is
nothing about you that I do not command,

I want to
bury you – to overpower you, overwhelm you, overcome you with such furious
dominance that you’re too afraid to feel scared,

I want
you.  And make no mistake …

I shall have you.

From the submissive:

I need you to consume me – to feel your gaze
upon me, burning into my flesh as a brand, a mark, an everlasting sign of my absolute
obedience,

I need you to control me – I need you to direct
every facet of my life, every breath, every step until the loneliness fades into
nothing more than a memory,

I need you to bury me – over me, around me,
inside me – scared to trust you, but so afraid of not taking the chance.

I know you want me.

I feel you coming for me.

Can you please mansplain your ideal woman to me? I want some impossible standards to try to hold myself to and feel like a complete failure when I come up short.

vintageinstepford-deactivated20:

The right balance between obedience and playfulness, a proportionate body, a feminine voice, an extremely talented cook (she has to be better than me and I have over 20 years experience in the kitchen), a great seamstress, smart shopper, not materialistic but enjoys little rewards when offered … you know … basically impossible.

Best,

VIS

Traditional Gender Roles are simple: he protects, provides, and helps her grow.  In return, she takes care of his needs, cares for his home, and becomes his stress-reliever.

If that’s not a simple relationship with no complications, I don’t know what is.

-VIS